In different families or companies, the taboo topics vary. For some, an uncomfortable topic is finances, others avoid having conversations about sexuality or race. A topic becomes taboo when, because of ignorance and fear of making a mistake, a person doesn’t know how to talk about it.
What makes a topic taboo?
If there is a general understanding in the community that a topic is not to be talked about, this is a classic example of taboo. When a taboo topic is brought up, the person who starts the conversation about it is also the person who risks ending the discussion and dividing the audience.
Sometimes because of cultural differences, one does not realize that the topic is taboo. Because taboos protect important elements of identity, people often react strongly when taboos they hold dear are violated.
The biggest mistake in communication is when one thinks it is happening. Spelling out why one thinks the topic is problematic and is embarrassed to talk about it takes some of the pressure off.
High tension
Important conversations that evoke great emotions become very serious the moment there is a difference of opinion. When the limits of tolerance on a given topic reach their maximum, the normal human reaction is, figuratively speaking, to fight, flight or freeze. Fighting adds fuel to the fire and the argument becomes heated, at which point words can be spoken for which there is no turning back. When one has the reaction to run away from the conflict, the conversation simply ends at that point and time passes until the topic can be addressed again.
After the tense exchange is over, people often think that things will resolve on their own in time. The opposite is true and in fact the more time passes, the harder it is to talk about it again.
Intersection
In these important conversations about taboo topics, it is essential that one be open, ask questions and demonstrate a willingness to hear the other side. Also, honesty and emotion help the conversation go smoothly. Seeking an intersection and what is actually important to both parties leads to progress.
The time and place
For conversations of great importance, it is essential that they happen at the right time and not in passing. The choice of venue is no less important. Ideally, it should be a neutral location that at the same time gives peace of mind and has no risk of interruptions or distractions.
